Risk and Dreams Go Hand in Hand

Ropes Challenge Course

Risk. What comes to mind when you see that word?

Does the idea of risk fill you with fear? Perhaps you associate risk with the board game of the same name.

One of the most important initial steps is to be honest about what scares you. In other words, start where you are, not where you wish you were.

For me, starting where I am often means confronting fear - Fear that I am not enough or that I don’t have what it takes; fear that my idea doesn’t matter, so by extension, I don’t matter; fear that trying will result in mess; fear that I’d be better off leaving whatever it is alone; fear that what I hoped for wasn’t true or vice versa. You get the idea.

Let’s take a look at those common fears I mentioned, because as author Ann Voskamp says, “Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces.”

Fear that I am not enough or that I don’t have what it takes - I come head to head with this one regularly. When I’m not in the heat of the moment (and by the way, life is not nearly as high stakes as we make it out to be most of the time), I realize that the only way to acquire what it takes is to try and keep trying until you have what it takes. And… Most of the time, the only one telling me I don’t have what it takes is my inner critic.  Pretty much all of us start by struggling.

I remember when my buddy asked me to help him with his event.  His request required a skill I didn’t have a lot of experience in.  Initially, I struggled, but the more I did, the better I got.  HIs admiration grew and my confidence soared because I stuck with it.

Fear that my idea doesn’t matter, so by extension, I don’t matter - I get it that it’s natural to take things personally, but try not to until you don’t.

Each of us have given ideas to our bosses or committees we’re involved with and been met with either questioning like we’re crazy or crickets like we haven’t been heard.  

At the same time, we’ve all heard Edison’s quote about the umteen failures he had.  Imagine if he would have taken his apparent failures personally.  He never would have survived, and we would have been without a lot of inventions. 

Fear that trying will result in mess - Another toughy for me.  I hate the thought of my struggles inconveniencing loved ones or friends.  The truth is, your struggles or mine probably will inconvenience people we care about for a time.  But those who care about us want to see us grow and succeed most of all.  The only way that will happen is if we try and keep trying.

Just a few nights ago, as the weather starts to get cold where I live, I tried unhooking the garden hoses to prevent freezing issues.  I went out there thinking, “I will get this done for my wife.”  Instead, I ended up with soaked shoes and injured pride.  But we also had a conversation about what to do differently, and my wife appreciated my thoughtful intentions.   

Fear that I’d be better off leaving whatever it is alone - It may be wise to leave something alone.  I can remember well-meaning conversations I’ve had with people where I made suggestions with their best interest in mind.  You can imagine, my suggestions weren’t always well-received at the time, but they planted seeds for future changes.

As with any of these suggestions, seek advice from those closest to you with familiarity of your circumstances, but if you’ve gravitated toward the nothing side of the all-or-nothing scale, I’d suggest seeking middle ground more often. 

 Fear that what I hoped for wasn’t true or vice versa - Many of us can relate to this one with romantic pursuits.  I remember taking risks again and again to win girls and have them seemingly ignore them, awkwardly receive them or have my attempts land somewhere in the middle of confusion.  Of course, there were those times when the rejection I feared came true.

All of those what-if scenarios can keep you or me in a holding pattern.  Rarely does anything good just happen.  We have to do something about what we want.

Thankfully, in terms of romantic pursuits, I’m happily married to a wonderful woman.

The good news is, I’ve recognized the more I’ve fought to move ahead and not give in to fear and limitations, the more I’ve realized that there’s almost always something I can do. The only one who can ultimately limit me is me and what I believe. The same goes for you. 

If we don’t think we can, we won’t even try, thereby confirming our fears via self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Let me encourage you, you can do more than you think. And as you do more, your thoughts will expand.  In other words, actions, no matter how small, will change your grid for what’s possible.

With that in mind, I routinely ask myself, if I determine to take fear out of the equation, what would I do?  Most of the time, I know what to do?  The choices comes down to fear and how I handle it?  Most of the time, If I had no fear, I’d keep going straight ahead.

Admittedly I gave into fear for a long time.  If you’re like me, it will take time and retraining to trust yourself again.  But from my experience, you know what you want to do and what you’re capable of.

Several years ago, as you can see in the accompanying photo, I broke through my fear to do something my mind told me, “No way!” Think again, my will and actions said. I chose to pursue what I wanted rather than avoid what I feared.

I was at a rope-climbing course with a group of friends, and I wanted so much to be included. No matter whether I saw a way, I would make one, I determined, as I set out on the course, 35 feet in the air.  Rarely had I worked so hard. It was truly mind over matter, but in the process, I defied what I thought was possible and achieved a new level of belief in myself.  

Afterward, my peers celebrated my accomplishment, and I felt ten feet tall. That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t made up my mind to try. I realized that day, I make the final call on what’s possible in my life. You do, too.

Here are five risky ideas I’m pondering this week:

1. Helen Keller said, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." May I remind you Helen Keller was blind? I can’t imagine the risks she encountered daily.

2. Kids are something else, aren’t they? They’re pretty convinced they can do anything. No one is going to stand in their way. They seize what they believe in. Hmm. Is it possible they know something we don’t? Perhaps it’s time to be childlike again. Notice I didn’t say "childish."

3. Here’s another thought about kids. It doesn’t take them very long to rack up bumps and bruises. Does that stop them from going after their dreams? Of course not. If anything, scrapes only strengthen a child’s resolve to run after their dreams. They don’t want to wait for the bandages to resume the chase. Neither should we.

4. Risk-taking shows a person a lot about identity and ability. Simply, you don’t know if you don’t try.

5. Successful risk-taking doesn’t mean being stupid. The best risks are those where the potential reward outweighs the potential setback.

*Thanks to Allison Scott for the photo.

*blog post includes excerpts from IMPOSSIBLE: Life Lessons on Thriving with a Disability. Published in April 2022.